I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
