omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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