If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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