just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
