Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
