Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
