You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
