So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can I color on your dick again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
