Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
