your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
