Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
