sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
