my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
