so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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