fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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