Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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