You just made me feel so damn special
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
