I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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