see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
