Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
