I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Will exercising make me less horny?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
