I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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