so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
