dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
