Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
