But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
