I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
