would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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