would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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