I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
