Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
