I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
