Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
