I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
