I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
