Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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