I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
