she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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