Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
