THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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