Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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