They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
