on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
