She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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