You made me cry and you don't even care
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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