Small penises have feelings too.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
