They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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