I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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