Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
