So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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