dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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