if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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