i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
