ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize