So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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