hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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