You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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