Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
