just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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