Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
