I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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