I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
