she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
