i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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