guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
