I smell stomach acid.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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