The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
