I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
