Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
