I heard we made out
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
