the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
