woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
