I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to calm my uterus...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
