I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
