Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize