I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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