yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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