i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
