i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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